More Mindfulness - Week 3

All perfectionism is, is the 20-ton shield that we carry around hoping that it will keep us from being hurt.” Brene Brown 

In this week’s More Mindfulness session, we examine the subject of mindfulness and perfectionism. We explore whether mindfulness can help us to recognise the moment perfectionism hits and why that’s a good thing. We look at whether our practice might have a role to play as it helps us to grow our self awareness and learn more about the ways of the mind.  

Shame researcher and bestselling author Brene Brown describes perfectionism as the 20-ton shield we carry around hoping it will keep us from being hurt.” Brown breaks down what perfectionism really is. She explains that “It’s a way of thinking that says this: “If I look perfect, live perfect, work perfect, I can avoid or minimise criticism, blame and ridicule.” In truth however, she explains that the 20-ton shield keeps us from being seen.  

Brown also says that there’s a difference between perfectionism and healthy striving. Healthy striving is internally focused – it’s all about wanting to do something and be the best you can. Perfectionism on the other hand is driven by the sense of “what will other people think?” Brown explains that you can’t really ever do anything brave if you’re wearing the straight jacket of ‘what will people think.’  Succinctly put, she says that “when perfectionism is driving, shame is always riding shotgun and fear is the annoying backseat driver.”  We struggle with perfectionism in areas of our lives where we feel most vulnerable to shame.   

So how can our mindfulness practice help? Mindfulness involves a willingness to be with ourselves as we are. It’s a way of learning to work WITH ourselves, not ON ourselves. We all know that giving ourselves a break is good for our well-being and on some level, many of us are healing from or dealing with the fallout from perfectionism. When we engage with our mindfulness practice, we begin to develop present moment awareness of the breath, thoughts, feelings, sensations and surroundings. We also start to notice whatever is happening within us and around us with curiosity and kindness.  This can help us to let go of perfectionist tendencies when they threaten to highjack a situation or outcome.

For those of you who would like to delve deeper, here is this week's selection of further reading links and recommendations: 

Short Video Clip (4mins): Brene Brown in conversation with Oprah Winfrey: https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1430709843643198

Article: Living with Your Imperfect Life by Mark Bertin: https://www.mindful.org/living-loving-imperfect-life/ 

Article: Why Your Out-Breath is Connected to Your Well-Being: https://www.mindful.org/why-your-breath-is-connected-to-your-well-being/ 

Guided Meditation: Conscious Breathing Meditation by Gillian Higgins. Click here.

You might also like to check out my New Mindful Life Podcast series which now hosts a number of short meditations. Click here.

This Week’s Poems

11 Unforgettable Truths 2020 Taught Me by Yung Pueblo

Grow without rushing 

Accept help from others 

Embrace the ups and downs 

Letting go is a long term project 

Take your time with big decisions 

Throw away the idea of perfection 

Gratitude supports a balanced mind 

Double down on what you are good at 

Stay connected to those who lift you up 

Embracing flexibility helps you reach goals 

Say no often, this is how you stay focused. 

A second poem for good measure on showing up:

No one can show uo 100% of the time 

next time you feel upset for temporarily not 

being the best version of yourself, notice 

the attachment you have to perfection 

and remember that occasionally you need to slow down 

And preserve your energy to fully restore your well-being. 

See you next week…